Lazy-American Style Baked Brie

Lazy-American Style Baked Brie

Because Seriously Who Has Time to Make This From Scratch

If you've read anything on this blog, met me, or have ever been to my apartment, you know I'm no domestic goddess.  I'd like to be one... but whatever. 

I do, however, love a party. 

So what's a gal to do with a taste for fun but little else?  Invite some folks over for good new-fangled comfort food like Lazy-American Style Baked Brie.

Lazy-American Style Baked Brie Recipe:

1. Wheel of brie
2. Can of pre-made coissant dough
3. CrasinsTM, or for those of you not familiar with OceanSpray's work, "dried cranberries"
4. Honey
5. The tiniest bit of sea salt

Instructions:
- Put the brie in the middle of a pan / cookie sheet
- Take the croissant dough, pull it, twist it around, and place in circular formation around the dough
- Bake until the cheese starts to ooze a little / the coissant dough is lightly browned
- Remove & let cool for a few minutes
- Drizzle with honey
- Sprinkle on crasins
- Put a tiny little sea salt on top

Snack Table for One Instructions:
- Use a frozen soft pretzel instead of coissant dough
- Instead of using the oven, microwave the frozen pretzel with a slice of brie
- For the domestically-impaired: don't try putting the pan in the microwave.  It won't fit.  Also, it's metal.
- Get a plate. Just a normal plate.

Prep time: About 5 minutes.

Consumption:

- Just eat it before everyone else does.
- No, seriously.
- I've been making this for years, and it is always the first food to get completely finished at a party. So don't be lazy.

Yum Factor:  Extreme

Warnings: Invite vegans to your party.  I can't emphasize enough how important it is to eat this before everyone else does. So I just did it again here.

 

You're welcome.

Flattened Meatball Hamburger

Flattened Meatball Hamburger

I bought a bunch of ground beef to make hamburgers and then realized I didn't know what to do with it.  I don't know how to barbecue a hamburger, but I do know how to make a meatball.  So that's what I did.  I made big meatballs, flattened them, and slapped them on the grill.  

The result?  One amazing tasting burger.

Flattened Meatball Hamburger Recipe:
1.  Take a package of ground beef
2.  Put in an egg
3.  Mix in a a bunch of Italian flavored bread crumbs
4.  Throw in a ton of grated Parmesan, Pecorino Ramano, & Asiago cheese
5.  Add two table spoons of minced garlic
6.  Add extra oregano and basil
7.  Sea salt
8.  Some onion powder if you want

Serve:
- on a potato bun, which is important because they taste better than regular hamburger buns (hahaha)
- with mozzarella cheese
- top with tomato
- and normal hamburger stuff

Yum Factor:  Pretty darn good

Warnings:  This Flattened Meatball Hamburger is classified as a spiritually unclean dish.  The cheese is mixed right in there with the meat!  Do not serve for company of unknown religious beliefs.

Italian Nana & Tibetan Freedom Fighter Fusion Tea

Italian Nana & Tibetan Freedom Fighter Fusion Tea
Wisdom Passed Down Through The Ages, Across Two Continents, Combined

My grandmother from Sicily recommended two separate remedies to cure practically anything, from a cold to a broken arm: 1) Ex-lax, and 2) tea.  The Ex-lax didn't need to be anything special, but the tea did.  

Whenever I was sick as a kid, to avoid making matters worse for myself, I opted for the safer special tea - which is actually just regular tea with a cinnamon stick and some bay leaves in it, sweetened with honey.  As I got older though, I realized that making tea with these finishing touches was just awesome in general.  I decided it didn't need to be reserved for sick days.

A few years ago, my best friend - who happens to be an immigration attorney - took care of me when I was sick.  At the time, she specialized in helping refugees from Tibet seek asylum in the United States.  She told me that her Tibetan Freedom Fighter clients had once encouraged her to boil water with slices of fresh ginger root to help her feel better when she was sick.  So we tried it.  The hot ginger water was actually delicious.  

After I felt a little better but was still confined to my extremely tiny 5th floor walk-up Manhattan apartment, I decided to experiment by combining these recipes.  The result: Italian Nana & Tibetan Freedom Fighter Fusion Tea good for when you're sick & just tasty when you're not.

Italian Nana & Tibetan Freedom Fighter Fusion Tea Recipe:

1. Boil a saucepan of water

2. Put in two tea bags

3. Put in 3-4 cinnamon sticks

4. Add 4-5 whole dried bay leaves

5. Slice up 5-7 slivers of fresh ginger root

6. Let the concoction simmer for a few minutes

7. Let cool

8. Serve with honey or agave

Prep Time: A couple minutes.

Yum Factor:  Extreme.  Well, for tea it is extreme.

Warning: This tea is awesome.  Addiction may occur.

Pork alla Sacrilege

Pork alla Sacrilege
The Sacrilege Was Unintentional 

So I bought a killer pork loin, got home, and realized I didn't have my normal Yankee Pulled Pork fixings. Not wanting to go back to the store, I impulsively reached for a jar of tiki masala, dumped it over the pork loin in the slow cooker, and fired it up.  Well, it was actually on "low" and there was no fire.  I just plugged in the Crock Pot, really.

Anyhow, I thought I was being so creative. You can never find pork tiki masala in an Indian restaurant!

Then, holy cow, it dawned on me. Obviously you can't find pork in an Indian restaurant because of religious restrictions on the consumption of pork. Oops.

At that moment, Pork alla Sacrilege was born.

Recipe:
1. One long pork loin
2. Two jars of your favorite store-bought tiki masala sause
3. A couple of handfuls of fresh clinatro, permitting you are not in the 3-23% of people who have the dreaded cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene.
 4. Some sea salt

Instructions:
- Put all of the ingredients together in the slow cooker.
- Set it to "low" and let it cook for 6 hours total.
- Around hour 3, start pulling apart the pork.
- Around hour 5, finish pulling apart the pork.

Prep time: Like 3 minutes total.

Consumption:

- Put it over some rice or quinoa

- To make the dish even more culturally confused, put it in a taco with some rice or quinoa

- Get some sour cream on there.  Because why not?

Yum Factor:  Pretty thumpin good.

Warnings: Spiritually unclean dish.  Do not prepare for company of unknown religious beliefs.

You're welcome.

Tara

Pulled Pork, The Delicious Italian-American Way

Yankee Pulled Pork
(The Delicious Italian-American [w/ Allergies] Way) 

So my live-in man wanted a traditional pulled pork sandwich   The only problem is that's boring.  

I also happen to be allergic to what seems like most things, including peppers and smoked BBQ sauce, hence my psychologically-based conclusion that Southern pulled pork is boring. 

It was then I decided to go rogue, using my Italian cooking instincts.  And, I'm happy to say, I actually ended up with the most popular & requested dish in my household.

Italian-American Yankee Pulled Pork Recipe:
1. One long pork loin
2. Two cans of petite diced tomatoes
3. 75% of a little can of tomato paste
4. About three tablespoons of minced garlic
5. Pour in some olive oil
6. Splash some white wine vinegar
7. A bunch of fresh basil leaves
8. About a tablespoon of capers
9. A couple of handfuls of fresh cilantro, permitting you are not in the 3-23% of people who have the dreaded cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene.
10. Some sea salt

The Overworked NYer Pulled Pork Recipe:
1. One long pork loin
2. Two bottles of store-bought brushetta (some extra tomato paste is optional)
3. A handful of fresh cilantro, again, permitting you are not in the 3-23% of people who have the dreaded cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene.
 4. Some sea salt

Instructions:
- Put all of the ingredients together in the slow cooker.
- Stir in the tomato paste with all other ingredients
- Set it to "low" and let it cook for 6 hours total.
- Around hour 3, start pulling apart the pork.
- Around hour 5, finish pulling apart the pork.

Prep time: About 10 minutes for the Italian-American version.  Like 2 minutes for the Overworked NYer version.

Consumption:

- To make the dish even more culturally confused, put it in a taco with some rice or quinoa
- Get some cheese and sour cream on there
- Or serve with a side of pasta

Yum Factor:  Extreme

Warnings: Do not prepare pork for company of unknown religious beliefs.

You're welcome.